The Colters

New Blog

2012-01-14T11:16:00.000-07:00

So I am thiinking that I am going to change the address to my blog. I have had this blog since I was married before and the kristin00066 has meaning to that other relationship, I just think that I need to start a blog that has nothing to do with that time in my life. So I will keep you updated on what the new blog is. The babies are almost here so I really need to get caught up so that I can start fresh :)

Our BIG News

2011-08-25T10:26:00.000-06:00

Well for you that read my blog have probably been wondering why I haven't written any updates since the embryo transfer............the answer to that question is my husband :) I love him so much but he is pretty private and didn't want me to post anything until we were totally sure.

We went to our 8 week ultrasound yesterday and we are for sure pregnant and just to top it off we are pregnant with TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy, excited and scared! This is the first child for either of us and we are just a little nervous about having twins. It is the biggest blessing ever because now I can have my 2 kids and never have to go through invitro again!

I have been VERY sick, throwing up all day everyday but I am grateful that I am sick because that means that my little ones are growing and are healthy. They are in 2 different sacks so they will not be identical twins we are hoping for a boy and a girl but we will take anything!

I just wanted to say thanks for all of the love and support that everyone has shown us, we have had so many people praying for us and I think our names were in every temple in northern Utah! We love all of you and can't wait to share this experience and our new little ones with all of you :)

Kristin and Jeremy

More on where we are in the process

2011-07-21T08:35:00.000-06:00

This whole invitro process is amazing! I am so thankful that the science is available to me that we are able to have good doctors to help us hopefully get pregnant. BUT.............it is really hard! It is very time consuming, I was telling my mother-in-law last night that everyone keeps telling me to just stop stressing and don't think about it but when you are doing invitro that is impossible. For the normal couple trying to have a baby they get to just try and take a pregnancy test once a month, they might be sad for a few months when it doesn't work but they don't really have to put too much time or energy into it. When you are doing invitro it is ALL CONSUMING. Even if I tried to not stress about it and just forget it wouldn't work because I have a calendar of what I have to do everyday, I have to do certain shots at different points in the day, take medications go to the doctor all the time which is hard because we live in Kaysville and our doctor is in American Fork. He is one of the best in the country so I will make the drive! Again I am grateful that we are able to do invitro it just really takes a toll on you emotionally, physically, and financially!

So on Monday the 18th was our egg retrieval, I was so excited for this day because that meant I got to see if the medication was working, how my body was reacting. I have always been ok knowing that the 1st cycle might not work but it would be ok because we would have frozen embryos that we could use the next month without having to go through all of the medications again. Well when they did the retrieval I had 11 mature eggs. Not exactly what I was hoping for but better than a lot! So I was being optimistic. The next day the embryologist called and told me that they had fertilized the eggs and only 3 had survived but the 3 had fertilized and were healthy, again not the news I wanted but that is 3 good embryos I will be optimistic (Even though it is getting harder to stay positive). On Monday at the retrieval they said they would either do the transfer on Thursday or Saturday, we were hoping for Saturday because that meant that the little embryos were multiplying and growing well. But of course on Wednesday I get a call saying that they want to do the transfer on Thursday. I immediately think well that means that they are not growing and doing bad. But the doctor said that they were doing great but because there are only 3 they want to get them into their natural environment as soon as they can. OK again I am being optimistic!!!!
So today we will go and meet with the doctor he will show us pictures of the 3 embryos and explain how they rate, if they are good or bad and then we will pick how many we want to implant. I have always just wanted to do 2 because then if one of them doesn't make it hopefully the other does. But now that we only have 3 total I don't know if I should do all three. It scares me to think of triplets but it also scares me that if only do 2 and neither survive!! It is just so overwhelming and it is really hard knowing what decisions to make.
If it doesn't work this time we will probably take a month off and then start all over, yes that means we have to buy $3,500.00 worth of medicine again and put my body through all of this again~ It is worth it and will be worth it~ that is my mantra lately.
So all of you Mom's out there that are reading this please give your kids a hug and kiss for me because you really have little miracles in your family if you think about what goes on to make a baby, and you were lucky enough (most of you) to just be able to have them!! I love you all and appreciate my family and friends for all of the prayers that are being said on our behalf it has really helped me!!!
I will update as soon as I can about the transfer. It will be a couple of days because after the transfer I have to be on total bed rest until Sunday, like I can get up to go to the bathroom and shower and THAT IS IT!!! Jeremy is going to have fun waiting on me :)

Invitro Process

2011-07-11T11:23:00.000-06:00

We are going through the Invitro process right now and I have so many things going through my head right now that I just figured maybe if I wrote them down I would feel better.
  I try really hard not to be a bitter person, now believe me a few years ago I was very bitter and blamed the world and everyone else for the things that happened to me and the way my life was turning out. I was in a very bad spot for a while but thanks to my family and Jeremy I climbed out of that dark place and am in a much better place!

   I have always known that it would be difficult for me to have a child so I have always just expected to have to get to this point, but that does not make it any easier trust me. I am 29 years old, will be 30 in 3 months and it is very hard for me to think that I will be 30 years old and still not have a child (hopefully I will be pregnant with one). Now for those of you that know me know that I have been trying for many many years to become a mother. I tried to have a child with Korey for over 7 years but Heavenly Father has a plan for everything and knew that a child would not be a good thing in that relationship.
   Now that I have married Jeremy I know with all of my heart that I am supposed to carry his child and we are supposed to be a family forever. The getting the child is harder than most people but I am willing to do this and put my body through so much to have this baby!

   Let me just tell you where we are in the process. We have been going to the most amazing clinic out there Utah Fertility Center and Dr. Foulk. He is such an amazing doctor, he is one of the best fertility specialists in the country he has been on Oprah, Dr. Oz and Dr Phil and many more shows talking about the effects of infertility on a woman's body and how it can affect a marriage.  After meeting with Dr. Foulk for an hour I learned more about infertility and why I am not able to get pregnant than I have in over 10 years of infertility.  He is just one of those doctors that is willing to sit and listen and explain everything and answer any questions that you need and I love that about him. My cousin Patrick and Cassee have had 3 children because of his clinic and he has some of the highest success rates in the country right now, so that makes me feel a lot better!!

Sorry I feel like I am just rambling on and on.

So we are at the injections stage right now, I have been on different medications for the last few weeks, I was on birth control for a month to get my body ready then Jeremy and I had to both take these awful antibiotics that clear your body of any and all bacteria, they make you really sick and tired!! Then last Wednesday we went down to have my baseline ultrasound I was really nervous about this because if you have a cyst on your ovary they don't let you do the cycle that month and I always have cysts. But we got down there and the medication that I had been on must have worked because I didn't have a cyst and my lining was thin and everything looked perfect. So Thursday we started the shots. They are follicle stimulating shots that basically make my ovaries produce a lot of eggs!! I can feel my ovaries getting full and it is a very odd sensation to be able to feel my ovaries filling up with eggs. Tomorrow we go to another appointment and I am very nervous about this one, it will tell the doctor how the medication is working and if it is producing enough follicles to get enough eggs. If you don't have lots of eggs to chose from then the likely hood of pregnancy is not good. So if you read this please put is in your prayers tonight. Once we go tomorrow we go everyday this week so the doctor can regulate my body. Most likely on Monday the 18th we will be going in to do the the egg retrieval and then 3-5 days later they will implant the fertilized embryo into my uterus.

I am so grateful for the science and the technology that is out there that makes it possible for women like me to conceive. But I still have that nagging thought in the back of my mind that I am trying to hard for this and that maybe if Heavenly Father really wanted me to become a mother then he would let me do it naturally. I know that is just my negative self coming back and that I need to consider it a blessing that we live in a time when invitro is available and that another blessing is that we are able to pay cash for the procedure and not have to charge this like so many couples have to do. Invitro is not cheap by any means and although I wish that Jeremy's Dad didn't have to pass away for us to get the money, I have to see it as a blessing and know that he is up in Heaven preparing our child to come down to earth to be with us.

I am really sorry that this post is so out there, I feel like I just rambled on and on and didn't make any sense but that is what is going on in my head and heart right now. I am so screwed up with my hormones right now that I feel out of it. But again I know it will all be worth it in a few weeks! If everything goes as planned we will find out by August 1st if we are pregnant! I appreciate all the prayers that are being said on my behalf and I know that many people have put our names in the temple and I can't tell you how much that means to us! We love you all!!!
Thanks for reading my ramblings today
Kristin

Honeymoon!!!!

2011-04-14T14:19:00.000-06:00

   We got married on June 26th 2010 and had our honeymoon planned for October, well I got a new job and Jeremy was in school so we had to postpone it until March. So we were scheduled to leave on March 17th, and on the 11th his Dad passed away so I was trying to think how I could reschedule it again, when I asked Jeremy about postponing it again he said that we were still going and that his Dad wouldn't want us to sit home and cry he would want us to go and have fun! I thought about it a lot because I was feeling really guilty about going but then decided that everyone was right, Bob would have wanted us to go so we did and it was the best thing we could have done. Jeremy and me were able to get our minds off of things and was able to just have a really wonderful time. The weather was beyond perfect it was bright blue sunny skies and 86 degrees the entire time we were there.

   We did have a few things happen that were terrible at the time but I just kept telling Jeremy that one day we would laugh about it and be able to have all the memories and tell stories!

We were given buddy passes by Jeremy's aunt for Southwest, we were thinking how great that would be because it was free airfare who wouldn't be excited! WELL we didn't realize it was spring break so we got to the airport at 5am and tried to get on a flight, we were able to get out of SLC right away and flew to Las Vegas, we were thinking that we were going to be lucky and not have any problems.....boy we were wrong. We sat in the airport and tried to get on a flight all day, we would be on the list and have the seats and right before the plane would take off we would be told that an employee and their family needed the seats so we would lose our seats. We did this for hours and got tired of waiting so we went and bought tickets on United. I about had a heart attack because 1 way to Orlando was over $1,100.00 but we had the money saved so we did it! The first 2 nights we were there we had to stay in a crappy hotel because we got there 2 days early and couldn't check into our resort or get a car. We got to the hotel really late and went to sleep, we slept til 2 in the afternoon the next day. It was so nice outside so we walked a couple of miles down to a Walgreen's to get some supplies and that night we went to Medieval Times. I had been to a show before but Jeremy had never been and we needed to waste time so it turned out to be a really fun night!

The next day was Friday so we got up and took a taxi back to the airport so we could get our rental car. We had more issues trying to get the car and ended up having to pay an extra $300.00 for the car, but by that point we just wanted to get to the resort so we got the car and got out of there. We drove to Kissimee to our resort, we were staying 1 mile outside of the Disney properties so it was so nice! My parents have timeshares through the Marriott and they gave us a week to use for the Honeymoon, we stayed at a Westgate resort. This place was HUGE! It had 18 swimming pools, playgrounds, volleyball, a towne square with a movie theater, bars, restaurants, and tons more! We were so happy to just check in and actually get to start our trip. We went up and looked at our room, unpacked and then did what everyone does when they go on vacation.......went to Target :) We had to go get some groceries. That night we just hung out around the pool and watched some movies.

Saturday was the first day that we got to go to the parks, I had bought 5 day hopper passes so we could go to all the parks. We went to the Magic Kingdom and rode every ride we wanted to. It was really nice just to have 2 of us because we went were we wanted and got through the park really fast.   We also went over to Epcot for a little bit that day but didn't spend much time there I think we just went on a couple of rides and by that time it was midnight so we went back to the hotel.

Sunday we went to Hollywood Studios. They have the Tower of Terror and Aerosmith ride there and I wanted Jeremy to get to ride both! Hollywood Studios is fun because on top of the rides you can go and watch different shows. They have a stunt car show, Indiana Jones, American Idol, and just a bunch of other attractions it is like being on a back lot at a movie studio.

Monday we went to Animal Kingdom. Jeremy LOVED this park. He loves animals so we went on a safari, saw a bird show, went on a really fun dinosaur ride, they also have a river run ride that you get soaked and a really fun roller coaster called Everest. Animal Kingdom isn't one of the huge parks and doesn't stay open too late so you can get through it in 5 or 6 hours. We did everything we wanted and it was only like 5pm so we went out to eat and then went back to the hotel and went down to the pool.

Tuesday we were so tired from 3 days in a row at the parks so we just stayed back at the hotel and went and hung out at the pool all day, I got fried of course but it was so worth it. We were just really lazy that day and got our rest! It was a nice relaxing day I loved it!

Wednesday we went to Epcot. Epcot it huge, you walk and walk and walk. Your feet feel like they will fall off by the time you are done with Epcot. It was the festival of the flowers while we were there so there were beautiful flowers everywhere and on top of that there were all of the Disney characters made from bushes and flowers. It was gorgeous! I took a lot of pictures for my Mom, she loves Disney Land and flowers. She says that Heaven should be like Disneyland!   We went on all of the rides at Epcot and then went and walked around to all of the countries they have, it is a half circle around the park with different countries from around the world. Each country looks like it would if you were in England, or Italy or Japan etc. and they have food and shows and different things about each country. I have been to Epcot 3 times before but never walked around the countries. I am so glad we did this time! We really enjoyed seeing the different cultures and having the food and drinks from each place. That night we stayed late at watched the fireworks over the lake at Epcot! I love fireworks so it was fun to watch them with Jeremy :)

Thursday we went back to all of the parks to ride some of the rides again and went and walked around Downtown Disney. It was a really busy fun filled day and a great way to end our honeymoon. We got back and got packed and cleaned the condo and prepared to go home :(

We got up at 3:30 Friday morning so we could get to the airport to get on the standby list again. Well there was a flight every half hour to hour and we were always the first on the list but would end up getting bumped because employees and their families would need seats so AGAIN we ended up having to buy tickets to get home that were almost $1000.00 by this time I was just sick with how much extra money we had had to spend. I was just grateful that we had all the money in savings and were able to pay for it and not have to charge it. And like I said one day I will laugh about it and not cry that my savings was depleted!!

It was the perfect honeymoon and I didn't want it to end because we had to come back to real life and deal with everything with his Dad's affairs but unfortunately we live in real life :)

I just want Jeremy to know how proud I am of him for how he has handled everything lately. There has been a lot put on his shoulders and he has dealt with it better than I could or would! I love my husband more and more everyday, he makes me a better person and I really can't imagine my life with out him.

Sorry that this post was so long but I wanted to get it all written out so we would remember! I will post a bunch of pictures as well!!!

Robert B. Colter

2011-04-14T13:34:00.001-06:00

Robert Blaine (Bob) Colter
        Born October 23, 1951 to Duane and Lou Colter. Passed away on March 11, 2011. He lived life his way!
        OGDEN – Bob served in the USAF and traveled throughout the world. He worked and retired after 31 years of service on the C130 flight line as an aircraft electrician.
        Bob is survived by: mother, Lou Colter (Dean); fiancée, Carleen Young; son, Jeremy (Kristin) Colter; sister, Linda (Brent) Hamilton, niece, Morgan Sheppard and her children Kayden and MaKenna; aunt, uncles and cousins.
       He was preceded in death by his father Duane Colter, Grandma Colter and Grandma and Grandpa Moore.
      Bob was loved and will be greatly missed. Dad, I hope you have found a great fishing hole up there.
At Bob’s request, there will be no services.
Arrangements entrusted to Lindquist’s Layton Mortuary, 1867 N. Fairfield Rd.

I just wanted to post about Jeremy's Dad. Bob passed away on March 11th at the age of 59. It has been a really hard time for Jeremy to lose his Dad so suddenly and to have him be so young. I won't go into the details but we were not prepared for him to die and neither was Bob, Jeremy is an only child and so he had to make all of the decisions for his Dad, he had to have him rushed to the ER, life flighted to U of U and then had to make the decision to stop measures to save his Dad's life, needless to say it was not easy for Jeremy.
Bob did not have any of his affairs in order (who does at that age, you don't want to think about death when you are still relatively young) so we have had to figure out EVERYTHING. From cremation, to life insurance and paying bills and proving that Jeremy is the sole beneficiary. It is not an easy thing, so the only advice is to make sure your parents have a trust or a will and let you know what they want to happen when they pass away.

Jeremy's Dad was a different guy he kept to himself and lived how he wanted but he was a great person! Jeremy and Bob had a different relationship, they didn't have to talk on the phone or see each other every day or week to know that they loved each other. Bob loved Jeremy with all of his heart, his aunt Linda has told me how much Jeremy meant to Bob and I hope that Jer knows that. When Jeremy was in Iraq I guess his Dad would only sleep a few hours a night because he wanted to be watching CNN to make sure that nothing had happened to his son. Bob had a great personality and I am going to miss him, the thing that makes me the most sad is that our kids will never know their Grandpa Colter but we will do our best to keep him alive through stories.

I hope that Bob is up in Heaven having a great time fishing and has found a slot machine that pays out :)
We love you Dad
Jeremy and Kristin

Pressure

2011-01-21T11:27:00.000-07:00

UGH! I hate how I am sometimes, I put so much pressure on myself and on my husband that it drives him crazy. I have always been like this, a serious overachiever, OCD and perfectionist. I remember I got a 4.0 all through Jr. High and High School and then I got my first A- in Calculus and thought my world was going to end, I am very hard on myself and don't know how to stop.
I put pressure on Jeremy to look and act a certain way, I know this sounds ridiculous but anytime we go out he will put something on and go to put a hat on and when I see him I tell him he has to change and do his hair, he gets so frustrated and asks why I care so much and why it matters. I don't know why it matters it just does. I feel terrible that I do this but I want us to always look good together and not have some random person look at us and think we are lazy or bums, which I know nobody would ever do but I still worry about it.
I put pressure on myself that I am 29 and still not a Mom. I mean that is what women are on earth for right? To have children and expand the human race, and something that billions of women do everyday I can't get right even once. I know that it isn't my fault, that my body has problems but that little voice inside of me says that something is really wrong with me and if I can't do this one thing what good am I. I wish that I didn't think like this, I know that Jeremy loves me no matter what, and that if we are never able to have children he will be OK, but I know that he would be an amazing father and I feel so guilty that because he married me and not someone else that could have kids that he will eventually resent and leave me. Again I know these are not rational thoughts but they are the thoughts that are constantly going through my head. I wish that I could stop them, just relax and know that everything will be OK, and that it will happen but I can't.
I put pressure on myself at work, I am frustrated that my numbers aren't as good as they were a few years ago, of course I don't take into account that I was out of the business for 2 years, and that when I came back it was the worst possible time in the housing and economic industry, of course not I think well I must not be as good as I used to be.
I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer here, I am just writing all of this down to purge these thoughts from my subconscious and get rid of them so all of the positive thoughts can come in, and I can let all of the pressure go out of my life! So that is my goal this year, to relax, enjoy this time in my life and learn to let things roll of my shoulders.

Anniversary

2011-01-14T22:20:00.000-07:00

January 4th was our 1 year anniversary, not our wedding anniversary just our first official year of being together. We won't celebrate this in the future but I wanted to since it was the first time, after this we will just celebrate our wedding day. So my best friend KaraBeth helped me come up with the idea to send Jeremy on a scavenger hunt and I told her where I wanted to send him and she helped come up with the clues.

The first one was in his car after he got out of school, it was a clue that sent him to Victoria Secret in the Layton Mall.

When he got there he had a present to pick up and another clue that sent him to....................

He went to Blockbuster and picked up a movie that I had rented and some treats that I had bought and had waiting there for him, and of course was given a clue to....................

Wingers, one of our favorite places to eat. I had already ordered and paid for dinner he just had to pick it up and get the next clue

The last clue got him home and this was hanging on the door to come into the house where he came upstairs to find a letter and present for him and another present that I got him for me to wear from Victoria Secret, sorry don't think I will post a picture of that :0

Jeremy got me a dozen long stemmed roses that each rose was embossed with I love you in a different language. They were beautiful and the different languages was a fun new idea.

I know that I have said this all before but I really do mean it, I have the best husband in the world. He is so amazing withe me, I can be very frustrating to live with I am sure I have OCD about weird things, I get huffy a lot and I put a lot of pressure on both of us all the time. I wish that I wasn't like this but I am and he loves me for it. He has changed my life in so many ways and made me the Kristin that I used to be, my family is so grateful to him for that. When I was going through the tough couple of years I had my Dad used to just get so sad and ask me where his Kristin was, where his happy, smiling daughter that was going to take the world by storm, what happened to her? Well she is back and my Dad is very happy about that!!

Jeremy no one has ever, could ever or will ever love you more than I do. Thank you for making me a better person everyday. I look forward to many more anniversaries to come!!
Love Your Wifey

New Year's Eve 2010-2011

2011-01-14T21:55:00.000-07:00

We went to my cousin Mark's house for the New Years Eve festivities. It was a really fun night with good friends. I won't go into detail because I have family that reads this blog....ha ha just kidding but it was a pretty fun and wild night. We rang in the New Year with a first New Years kiss and then went outside and did fireworks. We got home about 3am and had to be up at 9am for family parties the next day so needless to say we were spent but it was all worth it.

Christmas 2010

2011-01-14T21:45:00.000-07:00

Well this was our first Christmas together and it was seriously one of the best days ever! It was just nice to have someone to wake up with and be excited for Christmas with! On Christmas Eve we started a tradition that I would like to keep for the rest of our lives and that was we opened our stockings. I gave Jeremy a new belt and a bunch of his favorite candy. He gave me 5 pairs of new undies from Victoria Secret :) You can never go wrong with new undies :) Then on Christmas morning we woke up around 8 and did presents just us. I gave him a couple shirts from the buckle, the new Medal of Honor for his Xbox, cologne, and a message a month for a year. Jeremy gave me a new camera with the share button (when I told him I wanted a camera all I said that I cared about was if it had a share button) some killer new boots that I LOVE, and a cute new shirt as well as my all time favorite and must have for Christmas Chocolate covered cherries, Yummy. After that we went over to his Mom and Step Dad's and had breakfast and waited for his step-sister and brother and the kids to get there. Shiloh, Steve, JayCee, Myah and Shane got there and we exchanged presents. Jeremy's brother Shane is my age (29) but has down syndrome so he is still like a kid on Christmas, it was the cutest thing ever Keith (Jeremy's step-dad) told Shane that they had come home from dinner the night before and Santa had left Shane a HUGE stocking full of presents. The look on Shane's face was priceless. Shane opened each present very carefully, but the funny thing is he has to shake each present and guess what it is before he would open it, so needless to say it took a while :)

After Jeremy's family we went up to my parents house. My parents gave us a new couch for one of our presents that they had delivered a few days before Christmas, we love it and it is sooooo comfortable. We got spoiled as usual from my parents, they always go overboard!!! We got clothes, massages, golf shoes, a hand made Winnie the pooh box for the nursery (no I am not pregnant but hopefully will be someday), books, pictures, jewelery and nameless other things that I cannot think of right now. We had dinner there and then watched Despicable Me with the kids.

It was a great day filled with wonderful memories. I am so grateful to my husband for all that he did and does for me. He wanted to make the day special and he sure did that. I love that I get to spend the rest of my life with him :)

Jeremy after opening our presents.

WOW I cannot believe I am posting a picture of what I look like with no makeup and my hair a mess :)

Jeremy's Mom Donna and Step-Dad Keith

My hot honey being a nerdo

Just me

Our first hold the camera with one arm and take a picture of ourselves on my new camera.

Jeremy and Shane, I just love that smile of Shane's

JayCee and Myah

Steve and JayCee

The stocking from Santa

Shaking his presents

Steve and Shiloh

Part of the gifts at my parents house, told you they go crazy!!!!

Zackary and Jacob, they are getting so big :(

Jeremy and his girlfriend Emma.

We gave Emma a my little pony doll and she kissed the box as soon as she opened it, most adorable thing EVER!!!!

That is the Winnie the Pooh box for the someday nursery.

Us being silly :)

New Posts to come!

2011-01-13T09:06:00.002-07:00

I have not posted anything in a while and I am just warning that I am going to be posting a ton!!! I have all of Christmas and New Year's to do so there will be a lot of pictures to come. And I will also be posting about our 1 year anniversary and what a fun day it was :) So stay tuned!!! Thanks

Our First Chrristmas Tree

2010-12-01T09:33:00.000-07:00

This was our first year of decorating a tree together! I was so excited to do this and Jeremy was kinda not so excited. I think it is because he has never had a tree himself before, I know crazy considering he has lived on his own since he was 19 but he was of course a bachelor! So I had the tree and a ton of decorations but I wanted it to be our tree and our decorations so we went shopping at Tai Pan and scored big time. This was the first year that I decided to do a theme on my tree and not just do a cheesy throw together tree. So we got red and silver everything, and threw in a splash of green in there a little for some color! I absolutely love how it turned out. These are not the best pictures because they are off my camera phone, I am hoping I get a camera for Christmas (HINT HINT). I had the best time doing this because I had my amazing husband who actually helped me set up the tree and decorate the house and Donna my mother-in-law came over and helped as well so it made it a fun experience! I love this time of year and I am just so thankful that this year I have someone who I love so much to share it with. I think back to this time last year and it was not a pretty picture I ruined my families Christmas because I was in such a selfish place in my life and I made everyone around me as miserable as I was! So I know they are grateful to Jeremy because he has brought me back to life and made me ME again!!! I love you so much babe and can't wait for many more holidays to come!

This is part of my Grandma McCleary's Christmas Village that she always had at her house so I love that I get to put some of it up at my house!!Just another view of the village.

I love that we have a mantle that I can decorate and hang our stockings from! When we were at the store Jeremy said he wanted us to get our own stockings so they could be ours and not the ones I used before, so of course he had to find a red one!!!

These are my Grandma McCleary's nutcracker, well a very small selection of them! I have always loved nutcrackers so I have started to collect them too! Yesterday I came home and Jeremy had been to the store and bought me a silver nutcracker because he said that I had an odd number and that it matched one of the other ones, I just love how he is always thinking of me and doing things to make me smile everyday! I really do not deserve him, but I am not giving him away that is for sure!

These are a couple of this big nutcrackers that I have started to buy! They are about 2 feet tall and I love them, I can't wait to have more and one day pass them down to my kids!

The Santa sings and moves and Jeremy's dog Drizzt goes crazy, he is so scared of it! It makes me laugh because he is such a mean, tough dog that is scared of a stuffed Santa!

This is a little bit better picture of the tree, I took it in the daytime. I seriously love my tree this year!

another view sorry I need to rotate the picture.

Just our bookshelf, I wish you could see all the little nick nacs on the shelves.

Well I hope that everyone has a great time decorating and I just want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and tell you how much I love and appreciate you all!!!!

Jazz Game

2010-11-19T09:46:00.007-07:00

We went to the Squatters bar in the Energy Solutions Arena before the game, good food and good drinks great way to start the night.

Just during a time out.

Oh my how I love you D. Will! Deron Williams is my favorite player!!!

New Jersey Nets

9Th row :)

I work for an awesome company and my boss Sandi gave me tickets to the Jazz game the other night. So on the 17Th Jer and me went to the Jazz vs. Nets game. We were on the lower bowl 9Th row right behind the basket, it was so awesome. Jeremy hasn't been to a Jazz game since he was like 10 or something and when he went he was way high in the nosebleed section I guess. So it was really fun to get to take him and have great seats. My Mom was a little upset (not really) that I didn't take her because Jeremy isn't a Jazz fan like she is. So next time I get the tickets I will have to take my Mom, sorry babe! Here are just a few pics from the other night.

Murder Mystery Party

2010-11-03T15:34:00.002-06:00

Ok this will be my last post for the day, I am just trying to get a little caught up. On Friday October 29th one of my best friend and her husband KaraBeth and Steve Santillan had a murder mystery dinner party. It was really fun!! The theme was celebrity and the characters we were assigned were Dom Bruise(Tom Cruise) and Shady Nolmes Bruise(Katy Holmes Cruise). Jeremy dressed like Tom Cruise from Top Gun and I just did the best I could for a red carpet Katy.

We went to the house and she had a casino theme, so she had an actual slot machine we all got to play, did appetizers and there were 3 rounds to the game so you got different envelopes that told you what you had to do that round, what to talk about and how to figure out who was the murderer. We had dinner, played games and Nad Hitt (Brad Pitt) played by Steve got murdered!!!

All in all it was a great evening and something that we would like to do again, maybe this time we will host!!!

Best Birthday Present Ever

2010-11-03T13:51:00.006-06:00

This is me and Karl after we landed! Isn't my hair awesome!

Getting ready to land

Right after the chute deployed!

Free fall, the best part!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting on the plane

Me and Jeremy before we got on the plane!

Well if you know me at all you know one of the things I have ALWAYS wanted to do was to jump out of an airplane. I have never found anyone that was serious about going with me so I just figured it would be one of the things that you always wish you could have done but never did. Well when I met Jeremy and he told me that he used to be a Paratrooper and also did skydiving with the 82 Airborne division in North Carolina I told him how jealous I was and that I wanted to go so bad. He told me that he would take me on my 30th Birthday.

So Jeremy had been teasing me for a month saying that he had a surprise for my birthday present and wouldn't tell me what it was, I asked if we were going skydiving and he said "No, I told you I was doing that for your 30th Bday" so I just figured I would have to wait another year before I got to do it. Well my Birthday was on a Friday and after I got home from work he told me that he couldn't keep it a secret anymore and that we were going skydiving the next day, needless to say I was soooooo excited!!! We woke up the next morning and of course this is October so it was crappy rainy weather! We were both really disappointed but I knew we would get to go sometime, so we rescheduled for the next Saturday. The entire day I kept looking outside and asking if he thought it was clearing up enough, it wasn't and Jeremy told me I was like a kid that had candy in front of them but couldn't reach it! It was so true, I wanted to go so bad but the weather just wasn't cooperating.

Fast forward to the next week and the weather turned out to be good enough so we went out to Tooele to Skydive Utah and got to go! Jeremy kept asking me if I was nervous and I really wasn't I was so excited that I didn't have time to be nervous! We got a video done and a picture package so I can always remember my first jump!

The plane ride up was quick and stinky, the jet fuel is awful! Karl the guy I was jumping with was teasing me the entire time saying that this was his first tandem jump and just trying to freak me out! The plane doors opened at 13,800 feet and I watched 8 people go ahead of me and then it was my turn. We got to the edge I took a DEEP breath (it looks like I was scared on the video but really I just couldn't breath) Karl counted and we were out of the plane! The free fall feeling was amazing, we did a bunch of turns and after a minute or so he released the parachute and let me take control! The feeling of falling after the chute goes off is so peaceful I loved it. Before I knew it it was time to land, I was worried I would tank like a lot of people but I put my feet up and just let Karl do his job and we were done!

I can say that it was so worth the 29 year wait and I am going to do it again! I can't wait until I have enough jumps that I can go out by myself!!

I just want to tell my husband thank you! You are the best ever, and I am thankful that you went with me ( I know you did it just cause you love to do it too) but I know you loved that you got to see me do my first jump! You are amazing and surprise me everyday by how much you love me and all the ways you show me your love for me! I can't wait to have many more adventures together in our life! I love you Jeremy more than you know.

Birthday

2010-11-03T13:39:00.004-06:00

It was my birthday last week and we went to Black Island Farms with my family that night. It was a blast, we did the corn maze, went down the slides, the funniest part was seeing Melissa climb up the hay ladder:) She has a really bad back so it wasn't the easiest thing for her but she did it! The boys and Emma had a blast! Me and Melissa did this ride that you get strapped in and turned upside down and around and around, it was so much fun! I absolutely love going on any type of rides! After the farm we went to El Burrito for dinner and I got to be embarrassed because they put this HUGE sombrero on you and sing to you, my husband thought it was hilarious!!!

I got seriously spoiled, I got a ton of clothes and Bath and Body works stuff from my Mom and Dad. Melissa and Scott and the kids gave me pictures that they had done of the kids while up in Oregon and a really cute black shirt that has bling on it!

My best present was from my amazing hubby! I will do a separate post all about that next~

I have the best family and am so grateful that they have stuck by me through all my life and all the hell I put them through! I love them all so much!!!

Fun News!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-14T00:01:00.003-06:00

I am so happy to finally be able to share some good news in our family!

MY SISTER IS HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited if you can't tell! I have been wanting her to have another baby for so long. Zackary will be 7 in July and Jacob will be 6 in September and the new baby is due early January.

I really think that she is having a girl because this pregnancy is so different than either of the boys. She is so sick, throwing up all the time and she NEVER threw up with either boy. She can't smell food or open the fridge if it has something that smells bad to her or she starts to dry heave (which is hysterical). I do feel bad for her cause she actually was supposed to have back surgery TODAY, had it scheduled and everything and for some reason she decided to take a pregnancy test a few weeks ago just to be safe ( she had no clue that she was pregnant) and as you know the test came out positive! So she is in immense pain with her back but she is tough and will be able to do it!

So Wissa if you read this just know that your baby sister is proud of you and excited to have another baby to spoil! I love you and want you to know what a good Mommy you are, your kids are lucky to have you as their Mom. I love you.

Well I hope everyone is as excited as I am!
Kristin

Communication with my Parents is actually paying off.................Who would have ever thought that??? :)

2009-05-13T22:38:00.003-06:00

OK so most of you know that even though I love my Mom and Dad more than I could ever express and would never or could ever ask for any other 2 people to be my parents. They are the best parents in the world. I know every child says that but I am being serious. For all of the hell that I have put my parents through growing up, and then this last year it is a miracle that A- They still let me live here and B- They can still stand to look at me and be pleasant. Ha Ha I'm just kidding I hope I haven't been that terrible.

So the reason that I am writing this post is because I have been going to therapy for a while now and I just wasn't getting anything worked out and accomplished so a few weeks ago I switched to a new counselor and can I just tell you............SHE IS AMAZING! I feel like I have gotten further in4 weeks with her than I did in 1 year with the other therapist.

Kathryn is her name and for the last 2 weeks she has had my Mom and Dad come with me. At first I will admit it I was a bit worried and didn't really want them to come. Well I have completely changed my tune, I am so happy that they are coming. We are getting so much accomplished, even though it is hard and tough things are being said and tears are staining our blouses with mascara running down my cheeks!!

I have realized that YES I had some really crappy, hard, horrible things happen to me as a child, and no child should ever have to endure some of the things. But even though I have told myself that I was "over it" and was not letting it affect my life, that I was completely fine and it had no reason why I am unhappy all the time and it had nothing to do with my relationship with Korey and NO CHANCE it had anything to do with my divorce.................THAT IS A LOAD OF CRAP! All of the things that I have been pushing to the back of my head and telling myself and everyone in my life that I am fine I realized that I am not fine. I have not dealt with so many issues, and even though it is so hard to talk about things that I had to go through and re-live some of the terrible times it will all be worth it in the end. I feel that this time I am commit ed to changing my life, changing my attitude and dealing with these things and getting all of the nightmares out of my head, and then just being done with it. I am not going to say that once I have talked about it that it will never come up again and I will never think about it again. No in dealing with it this time I am praying that it will make me stronger and that maybe someday I will be able to help someone who is going through a similar situation, maybe I can help someone BEFORE they make some of the same mistakes that I have made and help them to get through the tough times.

Anyway point being, Yes my Mom and Dad and I have some problems i.e. LACK OF COMMUNICATION, and that is not any fault of my parents because everyone knows they try so hard to talk to me but if it something that I don't want to talk about I shut down! So I just want to publicly say that I am sorry to my parents. I'm sorry for being so hard to live with, for being so miserable all the time because I know the "dark rain cloud" that hangs over my head also puts a damper on our house. My mood affects more than just me. I'm sorry for being so selfish and thinking that my life is so terrible and nobody understand why I am going through. I think back on all of the terrible things that I have said and done just this last year and it just makes me sick! I'm sorry, I can't say it enough but I will be working so hard to make it up to you both.

So I don't want this post to be viewed as something negative, it truly has been an "ah ha" as Oprah would say Night for me. I really do want things to change, to get better, I want to be a happy, fun, successful adult! And I am going to do everything in my power to make this happen. So maybe if you have a spare second when you are saying your prayers just keep me in mind!

I also just want to thank my Sister, she is my very best friend and I could never make it without her! She is the rock of our family, I just wish that she could realize how amazing she is and how much I look up to her! I want to be like her in so many ways. I want to be as fun loving and carefree as she is, I want to be able to laugh at anything and everything as easily as she does. I just hope you know Melissa that you are one of the best people I know and I hope one day soon you can say you are proud of me too!

With that I will say goodnight and I hope you all know that I am always thinking and praying for you all! I love you with all of my heart and am so grateful that you are in my life.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Love

~Kristin~

I Feel....................??????

2009-03-18T15:57:00.003-06:00

Has anyone ever asked you how you are and you honestly can't answer? Well that is how I feel. I mean I am not in a terrible mood, I'm not especially sad, I'm not in a great mood I just feel BLAH. I want to get out of this mood too! So if anyone has any brilliant ideas then please let me know:)
Also I am looking for a little 2ND part time job, so if anyone can think of something that I could do part time at nights and weekends that isn't fast food I would appreciate it. I just have to get some more money because I would really like to get things paid off so I can get me a car and more important get my own apartment. My parents just got home yesterday after being gone to their other house in St. George for 3 months. When they left I was very excited but nervous because I didn't know how I would like living alone......well I can officially say that I LOVED IT!!!! So I can't wait until I can get my own apartment or town home or something!!! So cross your fingers that I can do that fairly soon, I think it will be good for me and for my parents, they didn't ask for their adult child to come live with them again and I know that they want there lives back!
So hopefully I can get out of the funk I am in. Maybe I will go running after I get off of work, that has become my latest obsession, I run everyday and usually it makes me feel better!!!!
Well there is my motivation for tonight!
Kris

NEW JOB

2009-02-23T13:22:00.002-07:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that I have a new job! I am working for a medical company doing all the the accounting, payroll, inventory invoices, billing. It is a lot of work but I really love it and happy that I am doing something that I feel good about again!
Kristin

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!

2009-01-14T18:16:00.002-07:00

Well just found out today that my divorce is officially final! I have very mixed feelings about this. I was relieved and happy when I found out this morning from the clerk at the courthouse. And then about 20 mintues later I had to go into the bathroom at work and have a good cry. I am not sad because I think I made the wrong choice or anything, it was just an odd feeling to know that I am no longer married. I have had that title for so long that I don't know how to not be married.
I know that things will work out and that I will be happy again, it is just scary to think that I can start to date again. I mean I was with Korey since I was 18!!! I am 27 now, there is a big difference in dating when you are 18 and 27 I am going to be very cautious. But I do think that I am ready. I know for sure I am at least ready just to meet people and go out and have fun, I am so tired of sitting home all the time feeling like a loser:)

Well I just thought that I would put this out to the universe now maybe something good will happen to me!

Love you all!!
Kristin

P.S. My Dad is doing better, his heart rate is still racing and his blood level is not what the doctors would like it to be but at least he is up and about! They are actually hopefully leaving for St. George tomorrow and will just have a doctor down there take over~
Thanks for all of your prayers and concerns on his behalf I really appreciate it and know that it helped in his recovery!

My Dad- My Hero is Sick REALLY SICK

2009-01-08T00:11:00.002-07:00

Hello all, I just am needing to get my emotions out tonight and also let you all know what is going on with my Dad. As many of you know I am the biggest Daddy's girl ever, always have and always will be. I don't know what I would do without my Dad, he is so important in my life and he is always there for me and can always make me feel better!

He has been sick for about 2 months with a cold and a terrible cough. Well a week before Thanksgiving he was told he had bronchial pneumonia; so he was getting major antibiotic shots everyday and he just couldn't get rid of this thing. Well last week my parents were supposed to leave on Saturday for St. George for the winter and my Mom just had a feeling and told my Dad to just go get checked out one more time and get an X Ray of his chest. Well when he was being checked out he told the doctor that he kept feeling like his heart was racing and it had been doing that for a few weeks. The doctor listened and immediately made us take him to the ER. So he was diagnosed with an arterial flutter, meaning the top part of his heart is working way to hard thus causing his heart to beat at an incredible rate, it was beating at 164 beats per minute when it should be under 100 beats per minute. He has been on strict bed rest since last Friday, has to take Cumiden a blood thinner and Lovenox shots in his belly another blood thinner.

Well today around 2:30 he was in his room with my sister and Mom and he got up to go to the bathroom, walked across the room just fine and all of a sudden grabbed the wall, started rocking like he was having a seizure and fell backwards hitting his head on the TV stand and passed out. My sister called 911 and they came and took him to the hospital. I got the frantic call from my neighbor telling me what was going on so I flew out of work and made it home before they had taken him so I got to see him luckily.

We get to the hospital and they do a CT scan on his head where he is bleeding and has a huge bump, that turned out to be good. Had an X Ray on his knee, he ended up hyper extending that. Did a EKG on his heart, an Echo on his heart. And the doctors kept giving him medicine to slow his heart rate and even it out. The medicine would work for about 15 or so minutes and then his heart would race again. So they came and did the same thing but also did another drug to slow the heart, again it worked for a minute then his heart starts racing again.

He is in the hospital tonight, I just came home to change and stay here for a minute and then I will be heading back up it is 1am now. I am so scared, I am trying so hard to be strong in front of my family and my Dad but all I want to do is cry. So what I am asking is that everyone please keep my family in your daily prayers I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

I am so scared! I love my Dad and CANNOT lose him! I love you all and thank you for taking time to read this super long post.
I will keep you updated on what is going on with my Papa.
Love
Kristin

POSITIVE THINKING!!!!

2009-01-01T21:27:00.003-07:00

I just wanted to write a little bit of the things and the feelings that I have been experiencing lately. I wanted everyone to know that it has been a very good holiday season and I am so grateful for my friends and my family. I honestly thought that I was going to have really have a hard time this Christmas as it is my first year of being alone, but I was very surprised at how well I did. I for sure thought that I was going to have to fake being happy for my family but the only time that I had a hard time and cried was on Christmas Eve, I mean I am not regretting my choice to leave Korey but sometimes it is just hard being alone. I do miss him and I just miss having someone. Just having someone at home with me, having someone next to me in the bed. Even when we were fighting it was still nice just to not go to sleep by myself; I have come to the conclusion that is the reason that I cannot sleep very well. I just hate sleeping alone.
Back to the point. Christmas this year was one of the best that I have ever had. The day was just nice, it was so great to spend it with my family and it was even nicer not to be fighting all day and having to fake it being around family. My parents as usual went way over the top. They put so much time and effort and thought into each persons gifts! They spent way too much money. I honestly don't know how I was so lucky to get them for parents. No matter what I have done, the mistakes that I have made and the numerous times that I have disappointed my parents they are always there for me to help me through my tough times and pick up the pieces of my life. Is love my parents so much and will never be able to pay them for everything that they have done for me.
With everything that has been happening in my life the last 7 months my appreciation and love for my savior has grown so much. My testimony is so rock solid that it makes me so sad that I even had a little baby thought of doubt. I know that Jesus Christ took on so much for me and my sins, and I will spend everyday for all of my life trying to live like him and be like him. I hope that when people think about me they don't think of the person that I used to be, or think about me as the girl who got divorced or of the numerous other trials that I have had in my life; rather I pray that people associate my name with someone who loved her Savior and tried to be a good person and a good member of the Church. Someone that Jesus Christ would be proud of. That is my New Year's Resolution. To be someone that my elder brother is proud of.

My hope and prayer for myself and everyone else is that 2009 is a better year than 2008. I know that it couldn't get anywhere as bad or as hard as last year was. I know that things are looking up already for me and that I am going to have the attitude and determination to make it a better year.

I want anyone that reads my blog to know that I love my Savior, that I have a true testimony of this gospel and I never want to have the light of Jesus Christ to leave my life. I am thankful for everything that I have been given, and as crazy as this sounds I am thankful for the trials in my life. They are not fun or easy to go through at the time but in looking back I am always thankful that I went through whatever Heavenly Father put in front of me. I always learn so much from my trials. I love this gospel with all of my being and I pray that I am able to be an example to someone in my life!

I love you all. Have a great Christmas season and an even better NEW YEAR!!!!
Kristin McCleary

My Birthday

2008-12-16T21:36:00.033-07:00

For my 27th Birthday and my Dad's 60th birthday we went to Sparetime Bowling and Fun Center with my family. It was a lot of fun to bowl with the boys, they actually caught on pretty well. Jacob is a natural and was able to throw that ball down the lane; Zack on the other hand had a little problem. He would actually THROW the ball so it would smack down on the lane really hard and loud; I honestly thought that the floor was going to crack! After bowling the boys went galactic golfing with my parents. Then after that we went to Timbermine to eat dinner! YUMMY I love that place. I have some cute pictures that are on my other camera that I will upload later.
This is Zacky being a monkey!

Me trying to show the boys what to do, I was on a bowling league you know so naturally I am the best bowler in the family NOT AT ALL I AM TERRIBLE NOW!!!!

This is me and my beautiful Mom and Sister! I love them both more than either of them will ever know! And I am so grateful they are in my life, they do so much for me I don't deserve all that they do and how much they worry and take care of me.

These are the roses I got from my "boyfriends" Zack and Jake, Mel must have felt bad that I am single and don't have a boy to give me flowers right now so the boys did it!

All in all it was a really good birthday, for a long time I was being a brat and telling my parents and family that I didn't want to celebrate at all this year, I didn't want presents, I didn't want to go to dinner and I didn't want to do anything. I am glad that I realized how stupid I was being before it was too late. I realized that just because I am sad and lonley this year doesn't mean that I have to ruin the day for everyone else.

I am praying that by my 28th birthday I will have a really cute guy that will give me flowers for real this time. If I don't then that is ok as well I am just going to try and make the best out of every situation that life throws at me for the next little while and pray that things work out for me. I have a good feeling that this next year is going to be so much better than my last 5 years.

The most adorable boys in the world!!!!!

2008-12-16T21:03:00.008-07:00

I watched the boys over night and then they came to Church with me and my Dad. They were a definate hit at church, all the old ladies fell in love with them. And that is very easy to do!

I love that my boys are best buddies and I pray that they always stay that way!!!

Ok so yes I admit that I am probably very biased on this subject but honestly my nephews are the most adorabde 5 and 6 year old little boys in the world! I haven't posted pictures of them in a while so here a few that I have taken over the last few months :)

Update on Life

2008-10-02T21:08:00.003-06:00

Well since I haven't updated this for a while I will give you some of the new facts.
I love my job up on base, doesn't pay the best but it gets me out of the house.
Our house I think is fianlly going to be done and sold soon YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have the divorce papers in my hot little hands so that the moment we get the house signed we can sign the divorce papers and get that over as well.
Korey has moved on very quickly he is actually dating a girl up in Ogden, at first it was very hard on me I was sad, mad, hurt I felt betrayed but mostly I just feel like I have wasted the last 9 years of my life on someone who obviously didn't love me as much as I did him.
I just want the divorce to be final so that I can feel like I can move on, I mean I know that I can go out and date and things but I know that there are a lot of men that find out you are technically still married and wont touch you with a 10 foot pole. I am not out there wanting to get into a relationship already but I guess it would be nice to go out on a date and have someone be nie to me and treat me nice! Is that asking too much?

I went with my sister down to St. George last weekend to see my parents and go to Tuachan to see Les Mis, it was fabulous. I got some really cute pictures that as soon as I can get my sisters camera from her I will post!

Anyways if you have any suggestions of how I can get back on the horse so to say I am all ears! Or if you just want to talk I am always available:)
Love everyone
xoxoxoxoxox
Kris

I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-08T16:58:00.001-06:00

Hey everyone I finally have some good news to report! I got a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited I can barley stand it.

The place that I am working for is called KIHO Military Acquisition Consulting, Inc. it is a contractor for the government and I will be working directly up on the base. I am so glad that I will be getting out of the house more and working again, I have not liked sitting on my butt all day collecting unemployment. Granted that was nice for about a week but then it gets really boring and I felt like a piece of junk that never contributed so it will be nice for my self esteem to get back out there and have some self worth again!

Anyways I start bright and early tomorrow morning so everyone wish me luck:)

HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-22T02:31:00.001-06:00

Ok anyone who looks at my blog I need HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If anyone has any ideas of how to cure insomnia or just help me get ONE night of sleep I am up to try ANYTHING right now. I am seriously on day 4 on not one minute of sleep. And I am so sick of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So if anyone can help me I will do anything for you!
Thanks all
Kris

JOB Anyone??

2008-08-14T12:36:00.003-06:00

Hey all, I am just putting this out there so if anyone hears of anything PLEASE let me know.
I need a job so bad!!!! I did Title and Escrow for almost 9 years so I have lots of experience in finance, Real Estate, marketing, admin.
But if you know of anyone that is hiring please let me know
Thanks so much I appreciate it!

Unanswered Prayers

2008-08-12T05:25:00.003-06:00

Hello all it is another sleepless night for Kristin, it is 5:28am and I haven't slept a minute tonight. I am really getting tired of this. So as I try to keep myself occupied throughout the night (you can only read, and watch late night TV for so long) I have been looking at so many people's blogs. They are all so cute and give me tons of ideas, I love seeing all my friends from School and people that I just knew of, how there lives have turned out and all the cute kids that have come into these families.

That gets me to my point of my title of this post. While it makes me very sad that I don't have children of my own, even though we tried very hard, Korey and I were on infertility medicine for almost 5 years, going to the doctor 3 times a week sometimes and we spent close to $10,000.00 trying to get pregnant. That avenue never panned out for us so we were on the LDS adoption list for 3 years and that never worked out either. I cried myself to sleep so many nights wondering what had I done so wrong in my life that I wasn't good enough to be a mother. That is all I wanted, and I saw so many people out there who had kids but didn't care and didn't want to take care of the children, I would get so upset over this and was very bitter and resentful for way too long.

Well my point in all of this is that Heavenly Father really does know what he is doing, I am so grateful that I don't have children now that I am going through this divorce from Korey. It is hard enough on me and I am a grown woman but to put a helpless child through that would be so hard for me to do. So while I still long to be a mother I am grateful that at this time I don't have to struggle with the knowledge that I was hurting my child.

It is enough stress on me knowing that my poor little nephew Zackary is having health issues becuase of what is giong on, it just kills me to know that I am causing a 6 year old to have stomach issues and stress, I am so sorry Zackary I love you with all of my heart and soul and hope one day that you will understand and forgive me, I pray that this will not have a lasting effect on you and that you get back to your cute little fun self with no health issues!!!!

I just want to express my gratitude toward my Heavenly Father for all that was done on my behalf, I know that I have sinned so many times and that those sins hurt Jesus Christ, I am so sorry for all of my shortcomings, but I am grateful that Jesus bled and died for me so that I can return to them one day. Going through this experience has brought me so much closer to the Lord and the Church, I am so glad to have the Holy Ghost back in my life, I missed that protection and calm spirit around me! I pray that I will be stronger in the future and have a better testimony and never let myself go away from my Heavenly Father and the teachings that I know are true and right!

I love you all!

Zackary's Talk

2008-08-11T21:53:00.001-06:00

So I have one more post tonight Melissa just told me that Zack gave a talk in church yesterday and said that he was glad to be a member of "The Church of Jesus Christ of SATURDAY Saints" so funny! That is why I love little kids!!!
I love that little guy more than anything

BBQ For Brad at Phillips

2008-08-11T21:11:00.008-06:00

I have the best friends!!!!!!!!!!!! This was for our friend Brad who lives all the way across the country in PA so when he was here in July we did a BBQ at Phil's for Brad's birthday! Here are the pictures that I took!

Hope you all enjoy!!!!

Funny Jacob Story

2008-08-11T20:55:00.005-06:00

So this is a funny story that made me feel really good! My sister called and told me this the other day and I just knew that I had to post it. So Zackary and Jacob and I have this thing where whenever we see each other we say "I love you and you are my best friend" Well Melissa and Jacob were out by the pool the other day and Jacob was copying everything that Melissa did, if she crossed or uncrossed her legs he would do the same etc. so she said "Jacob am I your best friend" he looked at her and kinda hesitated and with his little "Jacob" smile said "Well yeah" and then he said "But Mama Kristin is my real best friend cause she dos more fun stuff for me" He didn't say does more but dos more. That is why I think it was so cute! Then he giggled and Melissa gave him a hard time about it. I just love that little boy! It is that pure honesty in little kids that is the best! I am so glad that Melissa told me that story, these are the things that I always want to remember!!!!!

I love you Jacob

My Nephews keep me Happy!

2008-08-11T17:02:00.003-06:00

Ok, I just have to write a little bit about two of the most special guys in my world. They are my nephews Zackary (he just turned 6 in July) and Jacob (He will be 5 in September). I have lived next door to them there entire lives and now that I have moved back home it has been really hard not to see them everyday, my poor little Zackary is having a hard time with my divorce he is so sensitive and this is just hard on him. Jacob is off in his own world and doesn't seem to notice which I am so grateful for that he doesnt have to have stress. They don't deserve that and it kills me that I am putting them through this!
I have been so close to these boys and they make me so happy, it is so hard for me to imagine how in the world I would be able to love children of my own more than I love these boys. They are the world to me, I love that they make me smile when I think that there is no way I will ever be able to smile or laugh again, somehow they always can!
Melissa, my sister and the boys' Mom says that if she hadn't been pregnant and given birth to Zackary she would never believe that he didn't belong to me. He is just like me and that makes me so happy. I may never have children of my own and for a long time that killed me but having these little guys in my life makes it easier for me to swallow, they love me so much and I could never ask for better nephews.
I have to express my love and appreciation for my sister and her husband Scott. They have never got upset when I wanted to take the boys, they let them sleepover and come with me alot. They never get upset or hurt when the boys want to ride with me places. I know that it might be hard for some parents wanting to experience everything first with their children but Melissa and Scott are so great that they never hold the kids back and let them be with me. They are the best parents and I look up to them so much!!
Thank you for always being there for me and letting me be a part of the boys life!
Well here are some recent pictures of my little crazy boys, I love you Zackary and Jacob thank you for making me happy!!!!!!!!!!!!