Fun News!!!!!!!!!

I am so happy to finally be able to share some good news in our family!

MY SISTER IS HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited if you can't tell! I have been wanting her to have another baby for so long. Zackary will be 7 in July and Jacob will be 6 in September and the new baby is due early January.

I really think that she is having a girl because this pregnancy is so different than either of the boys. She is so sick, throwing up all the time and she NEVER threw up with either boy. She can't smell food or open the fridge if it has something that smells bad to her or she starts to dry heave (which is hysterical). I do feel bad for her cause she actually was supposed to have back surgery TODAY, had it scheduled and everything and for some reason she decided to take a pregnancy test a few weeks ago just to be safe ( she had no clue that she was pregnant) and as you know the test came out positive! So she is in immense pain with her back but she is tough and will be able to do it!

So Wissa if you read this just know that your baby sister is proud of you and excited to have another baby to spoil! I love you and want you to know what a good Mommy you are, your kids are lucky to have you as their Mom. I love you.

Well I hope everyone is as excited as I am!
Kristin

Communication with my Parents is actually paying off.................Who would have ever thought that??? :)

OK so most of you know that even though I love my Mom and Dad more than I could ever express and would never or could ever ask for any other 2 people to be my parents. They are the best parents in the world. I know every child says that but I am being serious. For all of the hell that I have put my parents through growing up, and then this last year it is a miracle that A- They still let me live here and B- They can still stand to look at me and be pleasant. Ha Ha I'm just kidding I hope I haven't been that terrible.

So the reason that I am writing this post is because I have been going to therapy for a while now and I just wasn't getting anything worked out and accomplished so a few weeks ago I switched to a new counselor and can I just tell you............SHE IS AMAZING! I feel like I have gotten further in4 weeks with her than I did in 1 year with the other therapist.

Kathryn is her name and for the last 2 weeks she has had my Mom and Dad come with me. At first I will admit it I was a bit worried and didn't really want them to come. Well I have completely changed my tune, I am so happy that they are coming. We are getting so much accomplished, even though it is hard and tough things are being said and tears are staining our blouses with mascara running down my cheeks!!

I have realized that YES I had some really crappy, hard, horrible things happen to me as a child, and no child should ever have to endure some of the things. But even though I have told myself that I was "over it" and was not letting it affect my life, that I was completely fine and it had no reason why I am unhappy all the time and it had nothing to do with my relationship with Korey and NO CHANCE it had anything to do with my divorce.................THAT IS A LOAD OF CRAP! All of the things that I have been pushing to the back of my head and telling myself and everyone in my life that I am fine I realized that I am not fine. I have not dealt with so many issues, and even though it is so hard to talk about things that I had to go through and re-live some of the terrible times it will all be worth it in the end. I feel that this time I am commit ed to changing my life, changing my attitude and dealing with these things and getting all of the nightmares out of my head, and then just being done with it. I am not going to say that once I have talked about it that it will never come up again and I will never think about it again. No in dealing with it this time I am praying that it will make me stronger and that maybe someday I will be able to help someone who is going through a similar situation, maybe I can help someone BEFORE they make some of the same mistakes that I have made and help them to get through the tough times.

Anyway point being, Yes my Mom and Dad and I have some problems i.e. LACK OF COMMUNICATION, and that is not any fault of my parents because everyone knows they try so hard to talk to me but if it something that I don't want to talk about I shut down! So I just want to publicly say that I am sorry to my parents. I'm sorry for being so hard to live with, for being so miserable all the time because I know the "dark rain cloud" that hangs over my head also puts a damper on our house. My mood affects more than just me. I'm sorry for being so selfish and thinking that my life is so terrible and nobody understand why I am going through. I think back on all of the terrible things that I have said and done just this last year and it just makes me sick! I'm sorry, I can't say it enough but I will be working so hard to make it up to you both.

So I don't want this post to be viewed as something negative, it truly has been an "ah ha" as Oprah would say Night for me. I really do want things to change, to get better, I want to be a happy, fun, successful adult! And I am going to do everything in my power to make this happen. So maybe if you have a spare second when you are saying your prayers just keep me in mind!

I also just want to thank my Sister, she is my very best friend and I could never make it without her! She is the rock of our family, I just wish that she could realize how amazing she is and how much I look up to her! I want to be like her in so many ways. I want to be as fun loving and carefree as she is, I want to be able to laugh at anything and everything as easily as she does. I just hope you know Melissa that you are one of the best people I know and I hope one day soon you can say you are proud of me too!

With that I will say goodnight and I hope you all know that I am always thinking and praying for you all! I love you with all of my heart and am so grateful that you are in my life.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Love

~Kristin~

I Feel....................??????

Has anyone ever asked you how you are and you honestly can't answer? Well that is how I feel. I mean I am not in a terrible mood, I'm not especially sad, I'm not in a great mood I just feel BLAH. I want to get out of this mood too! So if anyone has any brilliant ideas then please let me know:)
Also I am looking for a little 2ND part time job, so if anyone can think of something that I could do part time at nights and weekends that isn't fast food I would appreciate it. I just have to get some more money because I would really like to get things paid off so I can get me a car and more important get my own apartment. My parents just got home yesterday after being gone to their other house in St. George for 3 months. When they left I was very excited but nervous because I didn't know how I would like living alone......well I can officially say that I LOVED IT!!!! So I can't wait until I can get my own apartment or town home or something!!! So cross your fingers that I can do that fairly soon, I think it will be good for me and for my parents, they didn't ask for their adult child to come live with them again and I know that they want there lives back!
So hopefully I can get out of the funk I am in. Maybe I will go running after I get off of work, that has become my latest obsession, I run everyday and usually it makes me feel better!!!!
Well there is my motivation for tonight!
Kris

NEW JOB

I just wanted to let everyone know that I have a new job! I am working for a medical company doing all the the accounting, payroll, inventory invoices, billing. It is a lot of work but I really love it and happy that I am doing something that I feel good about again!
Kristin

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!

Well just found out today that my divorce is officially final! I have very mixed feelings about this. I was relieved and happy when I found out this morning from the clerk at the courthouse. And then about 20 mintues later I had to go into the bathroom at work and have a good cry. I am not sad because I think I made the wrong choice or anything, it was just an odd feeling to know that I am no longer married. I have had that title for so long that I don't know how to not be married.
I know that things will work out and that I will be happy again, it is just scary to think that I can start to date again. I mean I was with Korey since I was 18!!! I am 27 now, there is a big difference in dating when you are 18 and 27 I am going to be very cautious. But I do think that I am ready. I know for sure I am at least ready just to meet people and go out and have fun, I am so tired of sitting home all the time feeling like a loser:)

Well I just thought that I would put this out to the universe now maybe something good will happen to me!

Love you all!!
Kristin

P.S. My Dad is doing better, his heart rate is still racing and his blood level is not what the doctors would like it to be but at least he is up and about! They are actually hopefully leaving for St. George tomorrow and will just have a doctor down there take over~
Thanks for all of your prayers and concerns on his behalf I really appreciate it and know that it helped in his recovery!

My Dad- My Hero is Sick REALLY SICK

Hello all, I just am needing to get my emotions out tonight and also let you all know what is going on with my Dad. As many of you know I am the biggest Daddy's girl ever, always have and always will be. I don't know what I would do without my Dad, he is so important in my life and he is always there for me and can always make me feel better!

He has been sick for about 2 months with a cold and a terrible cough. Well a week before Thanksgiving he was told he had bronchial pneumonia; so he was getting major antibiotic shots everyday and he just couldn't get rid of this thing. Well last week my parents were supposed to leave on Saturday for St. George for the winter and my Mom just had a feeling and told my Dad to just go get checked out one more time and get an X Ray of his chest. Well when he was being checked out he told the doctor that he kept feeling like his heart was racing and it had been doing that for a few weeks. The doctor listened and immediately made us take him to the ER. So he was diagnosed with an arterial flutter, meaning the top part of his heart is working way to hard thus causing his heart to beat at an incredible rate, it was beating at 164 beats per minute when it should be under 100 beats per minute. He has been on strict bed rest since last Friday, has to take Cumiden a blood thinner and Lovenox shots in his belly another blood thinner.

Well today around 2:30 he was in his room with my sister and Mom and he got up to go to the bathroom, walked across the room just fine and all of a sudden grabbed the wall, started rocking like he was having a seizure and fell backwards hitting his head on the TV stand and passed out. My sister called 911 and they came and took him to the hospital. I got the frantic call from my neighbor telling me what was going on so I flew out of work and made it home before they had taken him so I got to see him luckily.

We get to the hospital and they do a CT scan on his head where he is bleeding and has a huge bump, that turned out to be good. Had an X Ray on his knee, he ended up hyper extending that. Did a EKG on his heart, an Echo on his heart. And the doctors kept giving him medicine to slow his heart rate and even it out. The medicine would work for about 15 or so minutes and then his heart would race again. So they came and did the same thing but also did another drug to slow the heart, again it worked for a minute then his heart starts racing again.

He is in the hospital tonight, I just came home to change and stay here for a minute and then I will be heading back up it is 1am now. I am so scared, I am trying so hard to be strong in front of my family and my Dad but all I want to do is cry. So what I am asking is that everyone please keep my family in your daily prayers I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

I am so scared! I love my Dad and CANNOT lose him! I love you all and thank you for taking time to read this super long post.
I will keep you updated on what is going on with my Papa.
Love
Kristin

POSITIVE THINKING!!!!

I just wanted to write a little bit of the things and the feelings that I have been experiencing lately. I wanted everyone to know that it has been a very good holiday season and I am so grateful for my friends and my family. I honestly thought that I was going to have really have a hard time this Christmas as it is my first year of being alone, but I was very surprised at how well I did. I for sure thought that I was going to have to fake being happy for my family but the only time that I had a hard time and cried was on Christmas Eve, I mean I am not regretting my choice to leave Korey but sometimes it is just hard being alone. I do miss him and I just miss having someone. Just having someone at home with me, having someone next to me in the bed. Even when we were fighting it was still nice just to not go to sleep by myself; I have come to the conclusion that is the reason that I cannot sleep very well. I just hate sleeping alone.
Back to the point. Christmas this year was one of the best that I have ever had. The day was just nice, it was so great to spend it with my family and it was even nicer not to be fighting all day and having to fake it being around family. My parents as usual went way over the top. They put so much time and effort and thought into each persons gifts! They spent way too much money. I honestly don't know how I was so lucky to get them for parents. No matter what I have done, the mistakes that I have made and the numerous times that I have disappointed my parents they are always there for me to help me through my tough times and pick up the pieces of my life. Is love my parents so much and will never be able to pay them for everything that they have done for me.
With everything that has been happening in my life the last 7 months my appreciation and love for my savior has grown so much. My testimony is so rock solid that it makes me so sad that I even had a little baby thought of doubt. I know that Jesus Christ took on so much for me and my sins, and I will spend everyday for all of my life trying to live like him and be like him. I hope that when people think about me they don't think of the person that I used to be, or think about me as the girl who got divorced or of the numerous other trials that I have had in my life; rather I pray that people associate my name with someone who loved her Savior and tried to be a good person and a good member of the Church. Someone that Jesus Christ would be proud of. That is my New Year's Resolution. To be someone that my elder brother is proud of.

My hope and prayer for myself and everyone else is that 2009 is a better year than 2008. I know that it couldn't get anywhere as bad or as hard as last year was. I know that things are looking up already for me and that I am going to have the attitude and determination to make it a better year.

I want anyone that reads my blog to know that I love my Savior, that I have a true testimony of this gospel and I never want to have the light of Jesus Christ to leave my life. I am thankful for everything that I have been given, and as crazy as this sounds I am thankful for the trials in my life. They are not fun or easy to go through at the time but in looking back I am always thankful that I went through whatever Heavenly Father put in front of me. I always learn so much from my trials. I love this gospel with all of my being and I pray that I am able to be an example to someone in my life!

I love you all. Have a great Christmas season and an even better NEW YEAR!!!!
Kristin McCleary