Thursday, May 14, 2009

Fun News!!!!!!!!!

I am so happy to finally be able to share some good news in our family!

MY SISTER IS HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited if you can't tell! I have been wanting her to have another baby for so long. Zackary will be 7 in July and Jacob will be 6 in September and the new baby is due early January.

I really think that she is having a girl because this pregnancy is so different than either of the boys. She is so sick, throwing up all the time and she NEVER threw up with either boy. She can't smell food or open the fridge if it has something that smells bad to her or she starts to dry heave (which is hysterical). I do feel bad for her cause she actually was supposed to have back surgery TODAY, had it scheduled and everything and for some reason she decided to take a pregnancy test a few weeks ago just to be safe ( she had no clue that she was pregnant) and as you know the test came out positive! So she is in immense pain with her back but she is tough and will be able to do it!

So Wissa if you read this just know that your baby sister is proud of you and excited to have another baby to spoil! I love you and want you to know what a good Mommy you are, your kids are lucky to have you as their Mom. I love you.

Well I hope everyone is as excited as I am!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Communication with my Parents is actually paying off.................Who would have ever thought that??? :)

OK so most of you know that even though I love my Mom and Dad more than I could ever express and would never or could ever ask for any other 2 people to be my parents. They are the best parents in the world. I know every child says that but I am being serious. For all of the hell that I have put my parents through growing up, and then this last year it is a miracle that A- They still let me live here and B- They can still stand to look at me and be pleasant. Ha Ha I'm just kidding I hope I haven't been that terrible.

So the reason that I am writing this post is because I have been going to therapy for a while now and I just wasn't getting anything worked out and accomplished so a few weeks ago I switched to a new counselor and can I just tell you............SHE IS AMAZING! I feel like I have gotten further in4 weeks with her than I did in 1 year with the other therapist.

Kathryn is her name and for the last 2 weeks she has had my Mom and Dad come with me. At first I will admit it I was a bit worried and didn't really want them to come. Well I have completely changed my tune, I am so happy that they are coming. We are getting so much accomplished, even though it is hard and tough things are being said and tears are staining our blouses with mascara running down my cheeks!!

I have realized that YES I had some really crappy, hard, horrible things happen to me as a child, and no child should ever have to endure some of the things. But even though I have told myself that I was "over it" and was not letting it affect my life, that I was completely fine and it had no reason why I am unhappy all the time and it had nothing to do with my relationship with Korey and NO CHANCE it had anything to do with my divorce.................THAT IS A LOAD OF CRAP! All of the things that I have been pushing to the back of my head and telling myself and everyone in my life that I am fine I realized that I am not fine. I have not dealt with so many issues, and even though it is so hard to talk about things that I had to go through and re-live some of the terrible times it will all be worth it in the end. I feel that this time I am commit ed to changing my life, changing my attitude and dealing with these things and getting all of the nightmares out of my head, and then just being done with it. I am not going to say that once I have talked about it that it will never come up again and I will never think about it again. No in dealing with it this time I am praying that it will make me stronger and that maybe someday I will be able to help someone who is going through a similar situation, maybe I can help someone BEFORE they make some of the same mistakes that I have made and help them to get through the tough times.

Anyway point being, Yes my Mom and Dad and I have some problems i.e. LACK OF COMMUNICATION, and that is not any fault of my parents because everyone knows they try so hard to talk to me but if it something that I don't want to talk about I shut down! So I just want to publicly say that I am sorry to my parents. I'm sorry for being so hard to live with, for being so miserable all the time because I know the "dark rain cloud" that hangs over my head also puts a damper on our house. My mood affects more than just me. I'm sorry for being so selfish and thinking that my life is so terrible and nobody understand why I am going through. I think back on all of the terrible things that I have said and done just this last year and it just makes me sick! I'm sorry, I can't say it enough but I will be working so hard to make it up to you both.

So I don't want this post to be viewed as something negative, it truly has been an "ah ha" as Oprah would say Night for me. I really do want things to change, to get better, I want to be a happy, fun, successful adult! And I am going to do everything in my power to make this happen. So maybe if you have a spare second when you are saying your prayers just keep me in mind!

I also just want to thank my Sister, she is my very best friend and I could never make it without her! She is the rock of our family, I just wish that she could realize how amazing she is and how much I look up to her! I want to be like her in so many ways. I want to be as fun loving and carefree as she is, I want to be able to laugh at anything and everything as easily as she does. I just hope you know Melissa that you are one of the best people I know and I hope one day soon you can say you are proud of me too!

With that I will say goodnight and I hope you all know that I am always thinking and praying for you all! I love you with all of my heart and am so grateful that you are in my life.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!