Friday, August 22, 2008

HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok anyone who looks at my blog I need HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If anyone has any ideas of how to cure insomnia or just help me get ONE night of sleep I am up to try ANYTHING right now. I am seriously on day 4 on not one minute of sleep. And I am so sick of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So if anyone can help me I will do anything for you!
Thanks all

Thursday, August 14, 2008

JOB Anyone??

Hey all, I am just putting this out there so if anyone hears of anything PLEASE let me know.
I need a job so bad!!!! I did Title and Escrow for almost 9 years so I have lots of experience in finance, Real Estate, marketing, admin.
But if you know of anyone that is hiring please let me know
Thanks so much I appreciate it!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Unanswered Prayers

Hello all it is another sleepless night for Kristin, it is 5:28am and I haven't slept a minute tonight. I am really getting tired of this. So as I try to keep myself occupied throughout the night (you can only read, and watch late night TV for so long) I have been looking at so many people's blogs. They are all so cute and give me tons of ideas, I love seeing all my friends from School and people that I just knew of, how there lives have turned out and all the cute kids that have come into these families.

That gets me to my point of my title of this post. While it makes me very sad that I don't have children of my own, even though we tried very hard, Korey and I were on infertility medicine for almost 5 years, going to the doctor 3 times a week sometimes and we spent close to $10,000.00 trying to get pregnant. That avenue never panned out for us so we were on the LDS adoption list for 3 years and that never worked out either. I cried myself to sleep so many nights wondering what had I done so wrong in my life that I wasn't good enough to be a mother. That is all I wanted, and I saw so many people out there who had kids but didn't care and didn't want to take care of the children, I would get so upset over this and was very bitter and resentful for way too long.

Well my point in all of this is that Heavenly Father really does know what he is doing, I am so grateful that I don't have children now that I am going through this divorce from Korey. It is hard enough on me and I am a grown woman but to put a helpless child through that would be so hard for me to do. So while I still long to be a mother I am grateful that at this time I don't have to struggle with the knowledge that I was hurting my child.

It is enough stress on me knowing that my poor little nephew Zackary is having health issues becuase of what is giong on, it just kills me to know that I am causing a 6 year old to have stomach issues and stress, I am so sorry Zackary I love you with all of my heart and soul and hope one day that you will understand and forgive me, I pray that this will not have a lasting effect on you and that you get back to your cute little fun self with no health issues!!!!

I just want to express my gratitude toward my Heavenly Father for all that was done on my behalf, I know that I have sinned so many times and that those sins hurt Jesus Christ, I am so sorry for all of my shortcomings, but I am grateful that Jesus bled and died for me so that I can return to them one day. Going through this experience has brought me so much closer to the Lord and the Church, I am so glad to have the Holy Ghost back in my life, I missed that protection and calm spirit around me! I pray that I will be stronger in the future and have a better testimony and never let myself go away from my Heavenly Father and the teachings that I know are true and right!

I love you all!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Zackary's Talk

So I have one more post tonight Melissa just told me that Zack gave a talk in church yesterday and said that he was glad to be a member of "The Church of Jesus Christ of SATURDAY Saints" so funny! That is why I love little kids!!!
I love that little guy more than anything

BBQ For Brad at Phillips

I have the best friends!!!!!!!!!!!! This was for our friend Brad who lives all the way across the country in PA so when he was here in July we did a BBQ at Phil's for Brad's birthday! Here are the pictures that I took!
Hope you all enjoy!!!!

Funny Jacob Story

So this is a funny story that made me feel really good! My sister called and told me this the other day and I just knew that I had to post it. So Zackary and Jacob and I have this thing where whenever we see each other we say "I love you and you are my best friend" Well Melissa and Jacob were out by the pool the other day and Jacob was copying everything that Melissa did, if she crossed or uncrossed her legs he would do the same etc. so she said "Jacob am I your best friend" he looked at her and kinda hesitated and with his little "Jacob" smile said "Well yeah" and then he said "But Mama Kristin is my real best friend cause she dos more fun stuff for me" He didn't say does more but dos more. That is why I think it was so cute! Then he giggled and Melissa gave him a hard time about it. I just love that little boy! It is that pure honesty in little kids that is the best! I am so glad that Melissa told me that story, these are the things that I always want to remember!!!!!
I love you Jacob

My Nephews keep me Happy!

Ok, I just have to write a little bit about two of the most special guys in my world. They are my nephews Zackary (he just turned 6 in July) and Jacob (He will be 5 in September). I have lived next door to them there entire lives and now that I have moved back home it has been really hard not to see them everyday, my poor little Zackary is having a hard time with my divorce he is so sensitive and this is just hard on him. Jacob is off in his own world and doesn't seem to notice which I am so grateful for that he doesnt have to have stress. They don't deserve that and it kills me that I am putting them through this!
I have been so close to these boys and they make me so happy, it is so hard for me to imagine how in the world I would be able to love children of my own more than I love these boys. They are the world to me, I love that they make me smile when I think that there is no way I will ever be able to smile or laugh again, somehow they always can!
Melissa, my sister and the boys' Mom says that if she hadn't been pregnant and given birth to Zackary she would never believe that he didn't belong to me. He is just like me and that makes me so happy. I may never have children of my own and for a long time that killed me but having these little guys in my life makes it easier for me to swallow, they love me so much and I could never ask for better nephews.
I have to express my love and appreciation for my sister and her husband Scott. They have never got upset when I wanted to take the boys, they let them sleepover and come with me alot. They never get upset or hurt when the boys want to ride with me places. I know that it might be hard for some parents wanting to experience everything first with their children but Melissa and Scott are so great that they never hold the kids back and let them be with me. They are the best parents and I look up to them so much!!
Thank you for always being there for me and letting me be a part of the boys life!
Well here are some recent pictures of my little crazy boys, I love you Zackary and Jacob thank you for making me happy!!!!!!!!!!!!