IT'S OFFICIAL!!!

Well just found out today that my divorce is officially final! I have very mixed feelings about this. I was relieved and happy when I found out this morning from the clerk at the courthouse. And then about 20 mintues later I had to go into the bathroom at work and have a good cry. I am not sad because I think I made the wrong choice or anything, it was just an odd feeling to know that I am no longer married. I have had that title for so long that I don't know how to not be married.
I know that things will work out and that I will be happy again, it is just scary to think that I can start to date again. I mean I was with Korey since I was 18!!! I am 27 now, there is a big difference in dating when you are 18 and 27 I am going to be very cautious. But I do think that I am ready. I know for sure I am at least ready just to meet people and go out and have fun, I am so tired of sitting home all the time feeling like a loser:)

Well I just thought that I would put this out to the universe now maybe something good will happen to me!

Love you all!!
Kristin

P.S. My Dad is doing better, his heart rate is still racing and his blood level is not what the doctors would like it to be but at least he is up and about! They are actually hopefully leaving for St. George tomorrow and will just have a doctor down there take over~
Thanks for all of your prayers and concerns on his behalf I really appreciate it and know that it helped in his recovery!

My Dad- My Hero is Sick REALLY SICK

Hello all, I just am needing to get my emotions out tonight and also let you all know what is going on with my Dad. As many of you know I am the biggest Daddy's girl ever, always have and always will be. I don't know what I would do without my Dad, he is so important in my life and he is always there for me and can always make me feel better!

He has been sick for about 2 months with a cold and a terrible cough. Well a week before Thanksgiving he was told he had bronchial pneumonia; so he was getting major antibiotic shots everyday and he just couldn't get rid of this thing. Well last week my parents were supposed to leave on Saturday for St. George for the winter and my Mom just had a feeling and told my Dad to just go get checked out one more time and get an X Ray of his chest. Well when he was being checked out he told the doctor that he kept feeling like his heart was racing and it had been doing that for a few weeks. The doctor listened and immediately made us take him to the ER. So he was diagnosed with an arterial flutter, meaning the top part of his heart is working way to hard thus causing his heart to beat at an incredible rate, it was beating at 164 beats per minute when it should be under 100 beats per minute. He has been on strict bed rest since last Friday, has to take Cumiden a blood thinner and Lovenox shots in his belly another blood thinner.

Well today around 2:30 he was in his room with my sister and Mom and he got up to go to the bathroom, walked across the room just fine and all of a sudden grabbed the wall, started rocking like he was having a seizure and fell backwards hitting his head on the TV stand and passed out. My sister called 911 and they came and took him to the hospital. I got the frantic call from my neighbor telling me what was going on so I flew out of work and made it home before they had taken him so I got to see him luckily.

We get to the hospital and they do a CT scan on his head where he is bleeding and has a huge bump, that turned out to be good. Had an X Ray on his knee, he ended up hyper extending that. Did a EKG on his heart, an Echo on his heart. And the doctors kept giving him medicine to slow his heart rate and even it out. The medicine would work for about 15 or so minutes and then his heart would race again. So they came and did the same thing but also did another drug to slow the heart, again it worked for a minute then his heart starts racing again.

He is in the hospital tonight, I just came home to change and stay here for a minute and then I will be heading back up it is 1am now. I am so scared, I am trying so hard to be strong in front of my family and my Dad but all I want to do is cry. So what I am asking is that everyone please keep my family in your daily prayers I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

I am so scared! I love my Dad and CANNOT lose him! I love you all and thank you for taking time to read this super long post.
I will keep you updated on what is going on with my Papa.
Love
Kristin

POSITIVE THINKING!!!!

I just wanted to write a little bit of the things and the feelings that I have been experiencing lately. I wanted everyone to know that it has been a very good holiday season and I am so grateful for my friends and my family. I honestly thought that I was going to have really have a hard time this Christmas as it is my first year of being alone, but I was very surprised at how well I did. I for sure thought that I was going to have to fake being happy for my family but the only time that I had a hard time and cried was on Christmas Eve, I mean I am not regretting my choice to leave Korey but sometimes it is just hard being alone. I do miss him and I just miss having someone. Just having someone at home with me, having someone next to me in the bed. Even when we were fighting it was still nice just to not go to sleep by myself; I have come to the conclusion that is the reason that I cannot sleep very well. I just hate sleeping alone.
Back to the point. Christmas this year was one of the best that I have ever had. The day was just nice, it was so great to spend it with my family and it was even nicer not to be fighting all day and having to fake it being around family. My parents as usual went way over the top. They put so much time and effort and thought into each persons gifts! They spent way too much money. I honestly don't know how I was so lucky to get them for parents. No matter what I have done, the mistakes that I have made and the numerous times that I have disappointed my parents they are always there for me to help me through my tough times and pick up the pieces of my life. Is love my parents so much and will never be able to pay them for everything that they have done for me.
With everything that has been happening in my life the last 7 months my appreciation and love for my savior has grown so much. My testimony is so rock solid that it makes me so sad that I even had a little baby thought of doubt. I know that Jesus Christ took on so much for me and my sins, and I will spend everyday for all of my life trying to live like him and be like him. I hope that when people think about me they don't think of the person that I used to be, or think about me as the girl who got divorced or of the numerous other trials that I have had in my life; rather I pray that people associate my name with someone who loved her Savior and tried to be a good person and a good member of the Church. Someone that Jesus Christ would be proud of. That is my New Year's Resolution. To be someone that my elder brother is proud of.

My hope and prayer for myself and everyone else is that 2009 is a better year than 2008. I know that it couldn't get anywhere as bad or as hard as last year was. I know that things are looking up already for me and that I am going to have the attitude and determination to make it a better year.

I want anyone that reads my blog to know that I love my Savior, that I have a true testimony of this gospel and I never want to have the light of Jesus Christ to leave my life. I am thankful for everything that I have been given, and as crazy as this sounds I am thankful for the trials in my life. They are not fun or easy to go through at the time but in looking back I am always thankful that I went through whatever Heavenly Father put in front of me. I always learn so much from my trials. I love this gospel with all of my being and I pray that I am able to be an example to someone in my life!

I love you all. Have a great Christmas season and an even better NEW YEAR!!!!
Kristin McCleary