Thursday, July 21, 2011

More on where we are in the process

This whole invitro process is amazing!  I am so thankful that the science is available to me that we are able to have good doctors to help us hopefully get pregnant. is really hard!  It is very time consuming, I was telling my mother-in-law last night that everyone keeps telling me to just stop stressing and don't think about it but when you are doing invitro that is impossible.  For the normal couple trying to have a baby they get to just try and take a pregnancy test once a month, they might be sad for a few months when it doesn't work but they don't really have to put too much time or energy into it.  When you are doing invitro it is ALL CONSUMING.  Even if I tried to not stress about it and just forget it wouldn't work because I have a calendar of what I have to do everyday, I have to do certain shots at different points in the day, take medications go to the doctor all the time which is hard because we live in Kaysville and our doctor is in American Fork.  He is one of the best in the country so I will make the drive!  Again I am grateful that we are able to do invitro it just really takes a toll on you emotionally, physically, and financially!

  So on Monday the 18th was our egg retrieval, I was so excited for this day because that meant I got to see if the medication was working, how my body was reacting.  I have always been ok knowing that the 1st cycle might not work but it would be ok because we would have frozen embryos that we could use the next month without having to go through all of the medications again.  Well when they did the retrieval I had 11 mature eggs.  Not exactly what I was hoping for but better than a lot!  So I was being optimistic.  The next day the embryologist called and told me that they had fertilized the eggs and only 3 had survived but the 3 had fertilized and were healthy, again not the news I wanted but that is 3 good embryos I will be optimistic (Even though it is getting harder to stay positive).  On Monday at the retrieval they said they would either do the transfer on Thursday or Saturday, we were hoping for Saturday because that meant that the little embryos were multiplying and growing well.  But of course on Wednesday I get a call saying that they want to do the transfer on Thursday.  I immediately think well that means that they are not growing and doing bad.  But the doctor said that they were doing great but because there are only 3 they want to get them into their natural environment as soon as they can.  OK again I am being optimistic!!!!
  So today we will go and meet with the doctor he will show us pictures of the 3 embryos and explain how they rate, if they are good or bad and then we will pick how many we want to implant.  I have always just wanted to do 2 because then if one of them doesn't make it hopefully the other does.  But now that we only have 3 total I don't know if I should do all three.  It scares me to think of triplets but it also scares me that if only do 2 and neither survive!!  It is just so overwhelming and it is really hard knowing what decisions to make.
   If it doesn't work this time we will probably take a month off and then start all over, yes that means we have to buy $3,500.00 worth of medicine again and put my body through all of this again~  It is worth it and will be worth it~ that is my mantra lately.
  So all of you Mom's out there that are reading this please give your kids a hug and kiss for me because you really have little miracles in your family if you think about what goes on to make a baby, and you were lucky enough (most of you) to just be able to have them!! I love you all and appreciate my family and friends for all of the prayers that are being said on our behalf it has really helped me!!!
I will update as soon as I can about the transfer.  It will be a couple of days because after the transfer I have to be on total bed rest until Sunday, like I can get up to go to the bathroom and shower and THAT IS IT!!! Jeremy is going to have fun waiting on me :)

Monday, July 11, 2011

Invitro Process

 We are going through the Invitro process right now and I have so many things going through my head right now that I just figured maybe if I wrote them down I would feel better.
  I try really hard not to be a bitter person, now believe me a few years ago I was very bitter and blamed the world and everyone else for the things that happened to me and the way my life was turning out.  I was in a very bad spot for a while but thanks to my family and Jeremy I climbed out of that dark place and am in a much better place! 

   I have always known that it would be difficult for me to have a child so I have always just expected to have to get to this point, but that does not make it any easier trust me.  I am 29 years old, will be 30 in 3 months and it is very hard for me to think that I will be 30 years old and still not have a child (hopefully I will be pregnant with one).  Now for those of you that know me know that I have been trying for many many years to become a mother.  I tried to have a child with Korey for over 7 years but Heavenly Father has a plan for everything and knew that a child would not be a good thing in that relationship.
   Now that I have married Jeremy I know with all of my heart that I am supposed to carry his child and we are supposed to be a family forever.  The getting the child is harder than most people but I am willing to do this and put my body through so much to have this baby!

   Let me just tell you where we are in the process.  We have been going to the most amazing clinic out there Utah Fertility Center and Dr. Foulk.  He is such an amazing doctor, he is one of the best fertility specialists in the country he has been on Oprah, Dr. Oz and Dr Phil and many more shows talking about the effects of infertility on a woman's body and how it can affect a marriage.  After meeting with Dr. Foulk for an hour I learned more about infertility and why I am not able to get pregnant than I have in over 10 years of infertility.  He is just one of those doctors that is willing to sit and listen and explain everything and answer any questions that you need and I love that about him.  My cousin Patrick and Cassee have had 3 children because of his clinic and he has some of the highest success rates in the country right now, so that makes me feel a lot better!!

 Sorry I feel like I am just rambling on and on.

  So we are at the injections stage right now, I have been on different medications for the last few weeks, I was on birth control for a month to get my body ready then Jeremy and I had to both take these awful antibiotics that clear your body of any and all bacteria, they make you really sick and tired!!  Then last Wednesday we went down to have my baseline ultrasound I was really nervous about this because if you have a cyst on your ovary they don't let you do the cycle that month and I always have cysts.  But we got down there and the medication that I had been on must have worked because I didn't have a cyst and my lining was thin and everything looked perfect.  So Thursday we started the shots.  They are follicle stimulating shots that basically make my ovaries produce a lot of eggs!!  I can feel my ovaries getting full and it is a very odd sensation to be able to feel my ovaries filling up with eggs.  Tomorrow we go to another appointment and I am very nervous about this one, it will tell the doctor how the medication is working and if it is producing enough follicles to get enough eggs.  If you don't have lots of eggs to chose from then the likely hood of pregnancy is not good.  So if you read this please put is in your prayers tonight.  Once we go tomorrow we go everyday this week so the doctor can regulate my body.  Most likely on Monday the 18th we will be going in to do the the egg retrieval and then 3-5 days later they will implant the fertilized embryo into my uterus.

  I am so grateful for the science and the technology that is out there that makes it possible for women like me to conceive.  But I still have that nagging thought in the back of my mind that I am trying to hard for this and that maybe if Heavenly Father really wanted me to become a mother then he would let me do it naturally.  I know that is just my negative self coming back and that I need to consider it a blessing that we live in a time when invitro is available and that another blessing is that we are able to pay cash for the procedure and not have to charge this like so many couples have to do.  Invitro is not cheap by any means and although I wish that Jeremy's Dad didn't have to pass away for us to get the money, I have to see it as a blessing and know that he is up in Heaven preparing our child to come down to earth to be with us.

  I am really sorry that this post is so out there, I feel like I just rambled on and on and didn't make any sense but that is what is going on in my head and heart right now.  I am so screwed up with my hormones right now that I feel out of it.  But again I know it will all be worth it in a few weeks!  If everything goes as planned we will find out by August 1st if we are pregnant!  I appreciate all the prayers that are being said on my behalf and I know that many people have put our names in the temple and I can't tell you how much that means to us!  We love you all!!!
Thanks for reading my ramblings today