Invitro Process

 We are going through the Invitro process right now and I have so many things going through my head right now that I just figured maybe if I wrote them down I would feel better.
  I try really hard not to be a bitter person, now believe me a few years ago I was very bitter and blamed the world and everyone else for the things that happened to me and the way my life was turning out.  I was in a very bad spot for a while but thanks to my family and Jeremy I climbed out of that dark place and am in a much better place! 

   I have always known that it would be difficult for me to have a child so I have always just expected to have to get to this point, but that does not make it any easier trust me.  I am 29 years old, will be 30 in 3 months and it is very hard for me to think that I will be 30 years old and still not have a child (hopefully I will be pregnant with one).  Now for those of you that know me know that I have been trying for many many years to become a mother.  I tried to have a child with Korey for over 7 years but Heavenly Father has a plan for everything and knew that a child would not be a good thing in that relationship.
   Now that I have married Jeremy I know with all of my heart that I am supposed to carry his child and we are supposed to be a family forever.  The getting the child is harder than most people but I am willing to do this and put my body through so much to have this baby!

   Let me just tell you where we are in the process.  We have been going to the most amazing clinic out there Utah Fertility Center and Dr. Foulk.  He is such an amazing doctor, he is one of the best fertility specialists in the country he has been on Oprah, Dr. Oz and Dr Phil and many more shows talking about the effects of infertility on a woman's body and how it can affect a marriage.  After meeting with Dr. Foulk for an hour I learned more about infertility and why I am not able to get pregnant than I have in over 10 years of infertility.  He is just one of those doctors that is willing to sit and listen and explain everything and answer any questions that you need and I love that about him.  My cousin Patrick and Cassee have had 3 children because of his clinic and he has some of the highest success rates in the country right now, so that makes me feel a lot better!!

 Sorry I feel like I am just rambling on and on.

  So we are at the injections stage right now, I have been on different medications for the last few weeks, I was on birth control for a month to get my body ready then Jeremy and I had to both take these awful antibiotics that clear your body of any and all bacteria, they make you really sick and tired!!  Then last Wednesday we went down to have my baseline ultrasound I was really nervous about this because if you have a cyst on your ovary they don't let you do the cycle that month and I always have cysts.  But we got down there and the medication that I had been on must have worked because I didn't have a cyst and my lining was thin and everything looked perfect.  So Thursday we started the shots.  They are follicle stimulating shots that basically make my ovaries produce a lot of eggs!!  I can feel my ovaries getting full and it is a very odd sensation to be able to feel my ovaries filling up with eggs.  Tomorrow we go to another appointment and I am very nervous about this one, it will tell the doctor how the medication is working and if it is producing enough follicles to get enough eggs.  If you don't have lots of eggs to chose from then the likely hood of pregnancy is not good.  So if you read this please put is in your prayers tonight.  Once we go tomorrow we go everyday this week so the doctor can regulate my body.  Most likely on Monday the 18th we will be going in to do the the egg retrieval and then 3-5 days later they will implant the fertilized embryo into my uterus.

  I am so grateful for the science and the technology that is out there that makes it possible for women like me to conceive.  But I still have that nagging thought in the back of my mind that I am trying to hard for this and that maybe if Heavenly Father really wanted me to become a mother then he would let me do it naturally.  I know that is just my negative self coming back and that I need to consider it a blessing that we live in a time when invitro is available and that another blessing is that we are able to pay cash for the procedure and not have to charge this like so many couples have to do.  Invitro is not cheap by any means and although I wish that Jeremy's Dad didn't have to pass away for us to get the money, I have to see it as a blessing and know that he is up in Heaven preparing our child to come down to earth to be with us.

  I am really sorry that this post is so out there, I feel like I just rambled on and on and didn't make any sense but that is what is going on in my head and heart right now.  I am so screwed up with my hormones right now that I feel out of it.  But again I know it will all be worth it in a few weeks!  If everything goes as planned we will find out by August 1st if we are pregnant!  I appreciate all the prayers that are being said on my behalf and I know that many people have put our names in the temple and I can't tell you how much that means to us!  We love you all!!!
Thanks for reading my ramblings today
Kristin